Rube
by Tuisto
Summary: fanfiction to atheistbasementdragon's 'God Rising' and 'Blood in the Streets' universe. This was inspired by silliness. One shot.


**Rube**

**aka**

**A Small Reminder**

**Fanfiction of the 'God Rising' universe by atheistbasementdragon**

**Continuity occurs between chapter 19 and 20 of 'Blood in the Streets' fanfiction**

**Written by: Tuisto**

**Edited by: The Usual Gang of Drunken Perverted Idiots**

Kami Miyako-

Raymond Zarg Lauransan, Cardinal of the Slane Theocracy, one of the seven most powerful people in the entire Nation far too often found himself without any time for himself.

Between the duties his office carried, such as administering the affairs of The Scriptures, the elite teams of Theocracy Agents, he also had to appear in public to make sermons or give lectures to academics and the Theologians of State on matters pertaining to the Will of the Six great gods.

His precious free time was further consumed with the outbreak of the war against the Sorcerous Kingdom, its affiliated allies and vassal States, where he often found himself giving rallying speeches to the Faithful who were being sent out as soldiers to fight the armies of darkness, and later to give condolences to the sons, wives, and daughters whose fathers were not coming home.

But as time marched on, so too did the demands on his time, he still did those things, though not as frequently. Instead he found himself in the position to reshape the war, to end it sooner, to end the evil acts that his country was perpetrating on the slave population and ultimately to save lives and bring peace.

To do that though he had to be a traitor and a conspirator, along with a select few of his peers in the ranks of the Cardinals, aligning themselves with the enemy their nation was at war with.

So many things weighed so heavily on him.

He had early this morning been present at the Lighting of the votive candles to honor the memories of the fallen soldiers in the war effort, after which he retired to his 'Official' office in an antechamber of the Cathedral built to his patron god.

It was safer here.

Here he didn't have to bear the weight of accusatory elven eyes.

He took his mid day repast here more often than not, light fare of fresh soft cheeses and fruit with a strong tea were his preferred in-between meals, as opposed to the likes of Cardinal Dominic who favored large cuts of roasted red meat and heavy stews.

Raymond had just finished snacking from his plate as he quietly read various small reports and items of news interest, nothing of import, as this was the rare time he had to himself to relax slightly, where the weight of the world was not pushing him down.

He set aside his papers and reached into the drawer of his desk for a much more relaxing, though often more vexing task. The puzzle left to the early Slane Theocracy by the Six gods.

A six sided cube of movable components with many colors, the gods had dispensed hundreds of them, stating that they were 'Trash Item Gacha Prizes'.

There had been many debates among the clergy what that had meant.

Nevertheless thousands of copies had been made through the centuries and spread throughout the whole nation.

The gods had named the items 'Rubik's Cubes', a puzzle to test intelligence, patience and faith. It was a rare event that one was ever truly solved.

Raymond by stature of his Office had one of the originals passed from the gods, he was chagrined as he looked at the item again from where he last left off, he was very close to getting 4 sides of the colors to match.

With nothing scheduled until the dusk hours, he found time to lose himself in the contemplation of the colors and moving pieces to solve the puzzle.

He'd only been trying for about 25 years. Off and on, of course.

Zesshi Zetsumei had been working on hers for the better part of a century and had never quite completed it.

Staring at a single white square of white in a field of yellow that was taunting him,

"HIYA!" came a shout.

Raymond nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise, clutching at his heart, the puzzle clattered to his desk top, he saw slightly behind his right a young dark elf boy in a red and white suit grinning like a maniac and waving at him.

"Geez, you startle too easily, you're not going to die are you? 'cuz that might displease my master." said the elf boy.

Getting his bearings, Raymond addressed the intruder, "Who are you, how did you get in here, little one?"

"Oh, little me?" the playful impishness was hard to miss, "I'm Aura Bella Fiora, I serve Lord Ainz, as for how I got here? I came though that" the elf said hooking his thumb over his shoulder where Raymond the noticed the child-sized swirling black hole in reality.

The kind only the undead Sorcerer King and his subordinates could use.

Just looking at it sent chills down his spine so he refocused on the child.

He cleared his throat, "I see, I see, I take it you're not here for a social call, so what is the matter?" he asked.

"Oh, Lord Ainz just had some 'free time' so he's going around doing some talking to people, boring war stuff mostly, but he sent me to ask if you're available to chat right now?"

It was absurd.

The supremely powerful undead was using such a powerful spell just to send an elf servant to ask if he was free to have a 'chat'?

Of course he couldn't dare refuse, he was in too deep and owed too much to that king.

"Of course, I'd be more than glad to receive his majesty."

With that this 'Aura' stuck just his head into the swirling hole, presumably to relay Raymond's assent to receive the enemy of his nation into his office.

Such interesting times he was living in.

Moments later, Aura was standing at attention next to the portal, as if acting as a guard, when suddenly the portal grew from 'child-size' to massive.

Raymond instinctively clutched the armrests of his chair as two glowing red points of light peered through the veil before anything else appeared.

He was prepared to see the familiar long black mages robes trimmed in gold and purple, cowl, the terrifying shoulder pauldrons and the fantastical magic floating staff of power that was a hallmark for whenever Ainz Ooal Gown appeared.

Instead, what stepped forth from the portal was a complete surprise. Raymond had to take it all in. Black leather shoes polished to a high shine, burgundy trousers, a black pleated smoking jacket trimmed with red velvet tied closed by a black sash belt with tasseled ends, an open chest revealing the skeletal ribs, an ascot tie around his neck and instead of the known staff of power, Ainz Ooal Gown was carrying a simple wood staff, brass tipped where it tapped the floor and topped with the taloned claw of some raptor bird clutching a round blue gem.

All in all, the undead was dressed as well-to-do Planters or minor nobles dressed in their finest.

For Ainz Ooal Gown though, this was slumming it.

"Ah, Raymond. How good of you to see me on such short notice."

It was always amazing how damn noble the voice of Ainz Ooal Gown was when he spoke.

"It's no problem at all, would you care to have a seat?" Raymond asked gesturing to a chair on the other side of his desk.

Ainz took the seat, though paused at the upholstered wooden chair groaned under his weight, then leaned his walking cane against the desk.

For a moment there was an awkward silence before Raymond began, "Um, to what," he paused to clear his throat, "to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit by your esteemed Majesty?"

"Oh, I found myself with a few moments of free time and thought I'd check to see how our common enterprise is proceeding concerning the elf situation in your nation."

Raymond was shocked, "Don't you get reports on this sort of thing from your subordinates?"

Ainz dismissed the notion with a regal wave of his hand, "Of course I get reports, but I find I get better detailed knowledge by directly asking at the source. In this case, you."

That was when something on the Cardinals desk caught the eye of the Sorcerer King, "Ah, a Rubik's Cube."

Raymond, slightly embarrassed that this supremely powerful undead king would see his 'toy', but was also curious, "You know of them?"

"Of course, it's been ages since I last saw one, a simple child's toy I suppose, though they were ancient when I was young," Ainz gestured to the cube. "May I"?

"Be my guest." Raymond said as he watched a skeletal hand reach out and pick up the cube, it was mesmerizing and gut wrenching as those skeletal hands 'messed up' years of his work on the puzzle, the sound of the clacking of bones against the hard material of the puzzle as it was clicked into new positions, so quickly and assuredly confident did Ainz's hands move.

`_Ha! Finally something that Suzuki Satoru can do! Not The Overlord of Nazarick, not Ainz Ooal Gown, not my Luck stat or supreme magical power, behold the power of an anti social Neet gamer that mastered 'Rubik's Cube Simulator #9 '! _was some of the private thoughts in the mind of the undead king.

Raymond's breath quickened as he watched the unblinking red hellfire eyes and the otherwise still body of the Sorcerer King, as his hands danced over the cube, and then far, far too quickly there was a final 'click', Ainz rolled the cube over in his hands as he looked it over satisfied that all sides matched and then he set the completed puzzle down on Raymond's desk.

Raymond swallowed a lump in his throat, and dragged his gaze up from the solved puzzle, taunting him on his desk to look at Ainz, who was now sitting crossed legged with his hands in his lap, to see that Ainz was staring back at him.

If you stare at the abyss, the abyss stares back.

"She's right," Raymond began in a small voice "Neia Beraja is right, you are a god, aren't you?"

Ainz, his enigmatic visage and bearing replied in his noble-of-noble voice, "I do not deny my power is sublime," he paused and leaned forward with his elbows on Raymond desk, "but tell me Cardinal, what constitutes a god?"

Raymond answered without even thinking, "The gods have powers and understanding beyond that of mortals, they work in mysterious ways to benefit the Faithful."

Red hellfire flames burst from the empty sockets of Ainz Ooal Gowns skull, the inscrutable face of bone giving nothing away to Ainz's inner thoughts, "By that logic, are you not also a god?"

Raymond spluttered, "O-of course not! I'm just a man, gods are almost beyond understanding!"

Ainz nodded as if agreeing, then reached down to the floor and scooped up something and then held up a single finger and Raymond could see on that finger was an insect, an ant.

He then gently set the ant down atop Raymond's desk.

Ainz then gestured to the ant, "To the ant you are a being with powers and understanding beyond the ant, are you a god to the ant?"

"Of course not, it's an ant and I'm a man."

"Tell me Cardinal, what power would you have compared to a dragon, to a dragon would you be an ant?" Ainz stared at the Cardinal, "and so too to me you are a human."

Raymond was getting a very bad feeling about this as understanding was slowly creeping up.

"Pinch off a bit of sugar from your tea set and give it to the ant" Ainz commanded Raymond, which he promptly did, to which the ant danced around the sugar grains and went to work.

"Now then Raymond, are you still sure you're not a god to that ant? You've just 'worked in a mysterious way' to benefit that ant" Ainz continued, "if that ant were to meet another ant, how would it describe what just happened? '_What was that?!' _the one ant would say, and the other would say '_It's the works of the gods!'. _The issue, Cardinal Raymond Zard Lauransan, does not fit in your trite box of phrases you've repeated all your life without thought, the answer is obvious."

Ainz then leaned back into the chair, folded his hands and said, "Now, back to the purpose of this visit as my time is brief, tell me of our venture with the elf slaves."

Raymond spoke and answered questions when prompted automatically, as he watched the ant on his desk.

-postscript-

The shadows grew long as the day waned, but Raymond still gazed at the object of his attention on his desk, lost in his own thoughts, the conversation he had for those few minutes earlier in the day had strained him to near the breaking point of madness.

Did the undead king have such an effect on all mortal men, that casual display of wisdom and knowledge wielded by that being could leave a grown man feeling as though he were but a fumbling babe.

There was a polite knocking at his office door, he called out "Enter!"

And to his welcome surprise his compatriot Cardinal Bernice was the unexpected visitor, she'd no sooner made her entry into the room when she saw on Raymond's desk a stale tea service and an object she couldn't help but gasp in surprise at seeing.

"Oh, Raymond! You've done it! You've solved the puzzle of the gods!" Bernice exclaimed happily.

Before she could continue Raymond gave a reseinged shake of his head 'No'.

Without words, he gestured to the same chair the hours earlier sat the Sorcerer King for Bernice to now occupy.

When she was seated, her curiosity was getting the better of her and she impulsively picked up the completed puzzle to look at it.

It was such a rare event, if Raymond didn't solve it, then…

Raymond leaned back in his chair, and looked up at the ceiling, "I had a guest come calling today, he solved that in… oh, I don't know, about 5 minutes. Maybe less." he let out a sigh of defeat.

Benice let out a small polite laugh, "Raymond, don't tell lies, that's an impossible task, the fastest recorded solving of the gods puzzle took 3 months, but 5 minutes? I find that hard to believe."

"My visitor today was the Sorcerer King Ainz Ooal Gown himself, and it wasn't even a challenge for him, merely a moments distraction." Raymond said in a defeated manner.

"Impossible," Bernice whispered now staring down at the solved cube in terror, "simply impossible."

Raymond nodded his head in a '_yes'_ motion, "Yes, impossible indeed." he sighed, "I believe a book should be written, a compendium collection of all the words that exist, with their correct spellings and definitions. And the definition for the word '_Impossible'_ should have an image of Ainz Ooal Gown next to it."

"Now, let me tell you about the rest of our conversation…"

-end-


End file.
